Surgery

I've had my fair share of  surgeries and procedures over the years, but this latest one is by far the worst. I have learnt that not all body parts are created equal and that pain is unique to every human being that finds themselves in such unfortunate circumstances. The “friendly face pain scale” is efficient for some, while totally inaccurate for others. How one perceives and processes pain is as individual as the person experiencing it.

Not only do I process pain differently to most people, but I cannot process pain meds like normal people either. The result is that I am frequently met with rolling eyes and deep sighs from the very professionals trying to help me. Number 1, they don't believe me. Number 2, they don't see many patients like me or they would recognize my struggles, and 3, they generally fail to take my whole health into consideration when addressing my needs. Over the past week I have had several encounters with doctors who simply don't have the time to hear me out. Granted my peculiarities can appear fictional at first glance, but I assure you, they are not. 

I consider myself a “ teaching opportunity" every time something happens that is unexpected. Unfortunately, that is too regular for my liking. 

So here I am, 17 days out from the worst surgery ever. I'm in agony and nothing prepared me for what I have been going through these past 2+ weeks. Naivety doesn't begin to describe the lack of knowledge I had going into this surgery. 

While skilled and highly educated, my team omitted some crucial information as I prepared for a total knee replacement. It's done now, but I would definitely recommend more in depth teaching beforehand to better prepare. Unfortunately, my particular case is more complicated but I believe complexities are merely an opportunity to learn and overcome. My joint was severely damaged and deteriorated, leading to more bone removal and a much larger incision than normal. Muscles were displaced and overall, it was a difficult operation. I've never considered myself to be a “wuss”, but the pain has been torture and at this point, I cannot see an end. I had 44 staples in my leg that were removed last Thursday and most of the back of the leg is still black and blue. My palms are bruised from hauling myself around with my walker and my entire upper body is sore from the strain of using muscles it doesn't normally use for everyday things. Every task is monumental. I will never again take for granted the simple act of using a toilet. The constant pain is an enormous hurdle to the exercises I am supposed to be able to do but I keep trying. Apparently, knee replacement surgery is the only surgery where you have to keep going, no matter how intense the pain...and believe me it's intense. 

It has been said that, “experience is a great teacher”. What have I learnt so far in this my greatest physical trial? 

Love comes wearing many faces. The caring help of the night staff at 2am in a strange room filled with angst and uncertainty.

Doctors and nurses skilled in patient care and doing everything they can to make me more comfortable. My husband getting out of bed numerous times to help me through my pain and get  me to the bathroom in the middle of the night when he's already tired and needs to sleep himself. My daughter doing everything that I simply cannot do for myself. My son and daughter in-law bringing a game over to distract me from my pain. Friends and family bringing delicious food for us to enjoy. These things and many more are so very welcome at a time I need help most. 

These early days will eventually fade into the distance but I imagine the pain to leave more than just the obvious physical scars. Pain reminds me that I am alive and for that I am deeply grateful. Even with all the advances of modern medicine, there are still things we must endure. I won't lie, this is hard and I have many more hard days ahead. One day at a time. One breath. One prayer. In my heart I know it won't last forever, but in each agonizing moment, I seek peace and strength to make it through the day and night ahead.