Season of Stillness
After yet another gruelling year of health issues and family crises, I am finally beginning to understand this current season is about being still and quiet. So many things, if not all, have been out of my control, a position I am often reluctant to surrender. I have wept and wailed and shaken my fists at no one in particular and I have sobbed my way through endless hours of sorrow and pain, not just my own, but for others too. These long months of trials and adversity can unravel even the stiffest upper lip. Waiting has never been my strongest character trait. I love to leap into action at the smallest of needs and I absolutely love bringing order to chaos any chance I get. I am fiercely independent and willfully stubborn, and yet often these skills lead me astray as I seek to conquer that which may need more than I can offer.
More recent days have had me relistening to music from yesteryear and along with the memories, have come a surprising amount of simplicity. The weeping is honest and vulnerable and the presence of God unmistakable as I sniff and snuffle my way through the familiar verses. My spirit has lightened today, unburdening my heart of the heavy cares that have weighed me down and I realized once more that God is still at work and still able to meet every single one of my needs perfectly.
My Independence on self has been repeatedly crushed and the crucible in which I find myself has a sense of comfort as more of me gives way to more of Him. Embracing my frailty is not weakness but strength. It's from this place of weakness that I can truly see that all my needs are and will always be, met in Him.
I've spent so long fighting the pain and resisting the struggles at all costs, but what if my path is to embrace all that challenges me and instead of holding on to it, laying it down at the foot of the cross. It's too heavy anyway and I am merely delaying the inevitable.
If you find yourself weary, broken and without hope, you are in the very best place for change. Call out, don't be afraid. He knows your name and sees every single tear you have cried. He's waiting. Just trust Him.