fuzzy cheese

I hesitated to post this today and then I thought, what the heck. My public needs a giggle and I need to express my creative juices….literally.

So, as I often do when leaving work for the day yesterday, I grabbed some cheese sticks from the fridge and headed to my car. Since I have been convalescing these past weeks, I had yet to drive home when it was already completely dark. Being the careful driver that I am, I took note of the vehicles around me, including a police SUV and took the necessary precautions before trying to rip open my aforementioned cheese stick. I might add here, that the following is neither a lie or a figment of my overdeveloped imagination.  Using my teeth to tear the plastic off the awaiting delicacy,  I was reaching the point of being too hungry. Yet again, my poor snack planning and busy afternoon at the office got me a bit jittery so the thought of a little protein snack was  quite exciting.  Well….what happened next was far from exciting.  Popping the cheese directly into my mouth I was suddenly assaulted by a disgusting taste. Unprepared as I was, I passed under a street light which revealed that I was clutching a green hairy blob. I began gagging and retching and frantically searching, while driving 50 miles an hour, for somewhere to expel said green hairiness from my mouth. Fortunately,  I had the bag in which the cheese sticks came and in what must have looked like a deranged chimpanzee having an epileptic fit, began spitting violently into the bag . By this time I was no longer worried about my blood sugar because I was more concerned about my leather interior. The traffic was too intense to pull over so I continued bobbing and weaving inside my car searching for a napkin or a tissue with which to mop up, all the while gagging and spitting the offensive blob taste from my tongue and trying to keep my now soiled hand off the steering wheel.  Somehow, I managed to coral the nightmare snack and found some of that sanitizing spray I'd wanted to use earlier this year as a deodorant.  I seriously considered spraying my tongue but I was, by this time, getting close to home and decided to wait. The last couple of miles took all my concentration to not spill the cheese bag holding the "stuff", and on arriving home I made a dash for something that would a: take the taste away and b: sort out my need for a snack. Jim had dinner waiting for me as I got through the door.  Imagine my surprise when he served up a cheesy chicken casserole.  🤢