and then came the hearing aids…
And then came the hearing aids….I finally humbled myself last week and went for a hearing test. It's been over 30 years since I partook of that particular exercise, but my ears were bothering me and I dutifully made the appointment and took the plunge. This morning, I was fitted for some “ state of the art", “top of the line", “sell your children model,“ pair of hearing aids that practically do everything except boil the kettle. And oh my goodness, the difference is beyond belief. I can hear my hair crackle with the stiffness of my curling gel and I can hear my arm brush against the fabric of the recliner and as my daughter asked, I can almost hear bugs in the garden crunching down on fallen leaves and twigs. I understand there is an adjustment period that needs to happen and my brain will settle down eventually, but I can hear everything and I do mean everything. I even think I sound British again! So folks, I'm just warning you that if I accuse you of shouting at me, don't take it personally, I am simply adapting to my “cost an arm and a leg" accessories and treading on new, very loud, ground.
Would it be that I were from a time in history when life was simpler and burdens considerably lighter….. In case you're wondering if I'm about to compose a Jane Austen-like novel with dashing heroes and fairly timid heroines, you just might have to wait … Nay, the simpler time I am referring to is the one pre hearing aids and pre deciding to move. I alluded to the heightened sounds drenching my senses on Wednesday, and now, day 3 has wrought a new and complex variety of hurdles that would befit an Olympic athlete, to be sure. I'm beginning to understand the “land of the hearing aid”, and the cacophony of sound that I was apparently oblivious to for quite some time. There are, I might add, sounds which one still wishes could be drowned out, but that, dear ones, takes patience and a retraining of my brain. I believe I can now identify every clunk, clang, whir and whistle from each and every mechanical item in my house. I can hear the boisterous school children getting off the bus across the road and the dishwasher that is DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY BONKERS at the other end of the house bangs on through its cleaning cycle, threatening my dainty inner peace and calm. But wait….. there's more. My house is in organized chaos and the combination aromas filling my allergy laden sinuses consists of the smell the oven makes on the self clean cycle and the oh so lovely scent of a house filled with cardboard. I, myself, prefer lemon air freshener as a rule but needs must. I reach for my phone and tap the preprogrammed “Zen sounds" for my ear apparatus, and while I'm not exactly whisked away to a sun-drenched hideaway, my brain is temporarily" distracted” and I can find my calm again. Maybe the manufacturer could work on the lemon scent setting to alleviate my other sensory discomfort?